Tour of Panay Part Six

It was a blessing in disguise that my butt was getting numb. At least it was distracting my mind that something horrible was going on in my alimentary canal. The distraction has done the trick because miraculously we were able to reach Kalibo without me dislodging a gruesome concoction of biological warfare.

Despite the stomach upset I still managed to appreciate the plaza of Kalibo. It had a huge resemblance to Baliwag, Bulacan - the way the church, the town hall, and the Jollibee store are intimately huddled around the plaza. We went to Jollibee thinking it had the prime seat in town, but a quick trip to the washroom revealed a rather jaw-dropping display of humungous IFO’s - “Identified Floating Objects” in its lone toilet. Good thing my intestines still had some class- they refused to budge, obviously horrified at the dismal sight.

Notwithstanding what I just saw, I was still able to eat. I only ate light. I did not want to exacerbate my digestive organs. I totally lost my appetite when I noticed the striking similarity of the hues of Jolly Cheezy Fries and the IFOs. Bon Appettit !

Libong suggested that we proceed to the bishop’s house which was also in front of the plaza. Bishop Romy Lazo, the current bishop of Aklan used to be our parish priest in San Jose. He was a ninong on Libong’s wedding and our kuya’s playmate in tennis. Unfortunately Bishop Romy was in another town that day and there seemed to be no one inside the bishop house.

My bro prodded me to try the toilet at the gasoline station instead. From previous experience I knew that gasoline toilets would be far much worse. I assured him I could still manage it and then gulped down another tablet of Immodium.

He advised me to buy adult diapers just in case my “baggage” becomes unbearable along the way. I thought he was joking. He was dead serious. He warned me that the rest of the way would be mostly boondocks.

I assured him that in case things start to get out of control I would put to test my interpersonal relationship skills. This would mean randomly selecting a decent household and warning them that all hell will break loose if they don’t allow me to use their CR.

At times like these I get to fully comprehend Khalid’s eternal dilemma. Khalid used to be my housemate in Krus na Ligas. He arguably has the appetite of a velociraptor but his stomach is belligerent. In almost all the gimmicks of the KnL gang, Khalid would always have an intimate session in the washroom after every meal. It came to a point that folks called him Mr. Tae – Ang taong kumakain para tumae, at tumatae para kumain. ( Hi Khalid!!! Hehehe)

As Dennis would jokingly say, Khalid’s life cycle is about eating and defecating.

But my life cycle is about adventure. I have a tour to finish. And no uncooperative what-the-f*%k-is-wrong-with-you-why-are-you-doing-this-to-me-now stomach is going to stop me from finishing it.