3 AM

It’s 3 in the morning and I just woke up.

Life has been hell lately and it’s only when I sleep that I get the peace I seek. But now even in my dreams, reality is rearing its ugly head.

And I wake up wondering how life can be so perfect one moment and utterly devastating the next.

I miss the times when my parents were my rock. When I could sleep under their blanket of comfort while storms were raging outside.

Yet I realize it is all but a distant past and clinging on to it won’t do any good and there is no choice but to move ahead.

And I wonder what odds were at play, for nature to reverse its laws.

I think about my dad lying in the hospital and wonder how a feisty and energetic person can now be helpless and crippled by stroke. And how a single event can turn our lives upside down

And try as I may I couldn’t comprehend why things have happened the way it did and how I would make it through this trial.

I long for the comforts of home and the company of dear old friends.

I think about the tears I have yet to cry. Of the words I have yet to utter.

And how tough it has been reassuring my loved ones that things would be fine while deep inside I am scared.

And how tormenting it is to exude a bit of stoicism while beneath the façade is a dull blade of pain that jags through the heart and hurts deep down

I am on the edge of a cliff grasping on courage, with the jaws of fear and uncertainty wide open below, and I’m using every bit of my strength to hold on.

I want to give up. I want to let go.

But I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

And so I lie awake wondering what fate has in store for me.